Everything's been a Little Tougher Lately... But I Can't be the Only One, Right?23·11·2020
I gotta be frank here: I’m writing this because it’s taken me awhile to find the motivation to write about something else in this space. Today I want to address the fact that I’ve noticed life has gotten a little tougher for me on a personal level. I’m sure that the prolonged stress that I’ve been feeling since the pandemic started has something to do with the way I’ve been feeling, and if that’s the case, then I figure I can’t be the only one who has recently become significantly less motivated and energized to do what I need to do, whether career wise or just life-in-general-wise.
For example. I’ve always found bullet journaling, which is essentially a make-your-own-agenda with limitless possibilities, a great way to keep my brain on track and stay somewhat productive with my life. Usually I can make my lists, etc. in advance with no problems, allowing me to feel a little more on top of my day, but recently it’s been hard to even look at. As you can imagine, this doesn’t really help my lack of motivation or productivity. Recently, when I look at the page I made for my day beforehand, it's 5 pm, and I still haven’t even touched it, the guilt I feel tends to compound; I’ve been starting to feel like setting myself up for the day with a to-do list is just asking for disappointment in myself come nightfall.
This sort of thing is kind of echoed in different areas, too. It’s been harder to find the time and commitment to work on self-led projects that seemed effortless at one point, it;s tougher to balance my social life, and on top of all of that, holy fuck I am exhausted.
To combat this, I’m working really hard at battling my inner infinite-productivity demon and (slowly) teaching myself how to understand and accept that no, I’m not going to be able to operate as 100% pre-pandemic Erickka right now. Doing less is okay. I am not less of a person just because transitioning into post post-secondary life and routines is taking some adjusting. It’s taking a lot of practice, but I think if I keep at it every day, I’ll be able to find a balance between my art goals, my personal life, my financial well-being, and enough other aspects of my life to start to get my motivation and drive back to what it was.
I’m not really writing this for any advice. I’m just throwing this into the internet void to let you know, if you’re going through anything similar, that you’re really not alone. It’s really okay to scrap ambitious pre-pandemic plans and decide that coasting through and making it to the other side of this wack time in human history is a great achievement in itself. It’s also really okay to talk to someone for help if you need it. You’re doing great! We all are. :)